2. Global Norman

Norman hated cold and ice
He wanted warmth at any price.
When Norman heated up his mansion
Power bills became gargantuan.

He turned the thermostat to high
Enough to cook an apple pie.
A million mega-watts of power
To heat his swimming pool and shower.

Seven heat-pumps sat in rows
Where Norman lay and warmed his toes.
Watching wide-screen plasma tele,
Sun-lamp shining on his belly.

A massive furnace burning oil
Kept Norman’s hot-tub on the boil.
An endless summer was his goal
Fuelled by gas and wood and coal.

The house could not hold all the heat
Which soon flowed out into the street.
A heatwave roared up to the sky
And planet Earth began to fry.

Icebergs melted at the poles
Glaciers crumbled into holes.
Super-storms began to blow
The sea rose up to overflow.

He watched the news of climate change
And Norman thought it very strange
That scientists could get so mad
Just because the weather’s bad.

But ocean waves swept in one day
And floated Norman’s house away.
When he got up and looked outside,
Water, water, far and wide!

A polar bear swam past his window
Norman did not laugh or grin though.
The bear looked deep into his eye,
And Norman worried it would die.

He saw the melting ice and snow
Was drowning creatures high and low.
He stopped using too much fuel
And planet Earth began to cool.

He now kept warm by climbing hills
While paying less on power bills.
Norman built an eco-cottage
Using sun and wind for wattage.

© 2012 by Raymond Huber

Polar Bear photo by Ansgar Walk, license CC-BY-SA

3. Gizmo Norman

Norman loved to buy machines,
Gizmos from his wildest dreams.
Strange inventions filled his place,
Contraptions crammed in every space.

A widget that unscrambled eggs,
An instrument to scratch his legs,
A robot that would tease the cat,
An exercycle for his rat.

Electric knives to slice his jelly,
Revolving tables for the telly,
A beanbag with a laser light,
Which also told his weight and height.

Norman soon spent all his money,
On a battery-powered bunny,
And a microwave that sang,
“Mary Had A Little Lamb”.

But his gadgets made him gloomy,
His house no longer felt so roomy,
Norman gazed on all his junk,
And his spirits went ker-plunk.

What use was a goldfish-propeller,
And a personal armpit-smeller?
Or a computerized leaf-blower,
Shaped like an over-sized feijoa?

Norman cried, “Enough’s enough!”
And sold off all his useless stuff.
(Except a chocolate Noah’s Ark,
And a toilet seat that glowed in the dark).

He got heaps of cash that day
All of which he gave away.
Gosh it made him feel much better
To be a giver, not a getter.

© Raymond Huber